week seven :)

The focus this week was sexual intimacy and family life. I found the differences that men and women have when it comes to sexual intimacy very interesting. Not only are they all-encompassing, but they also cause some concerns as well as benefits in relationships. If people do not understand these differences before getting married and having a sexual relationship with their spouse, they may become easily frustrated with them because of behaviors or attitudes that do not make sense to them. I will go over some of the differences and the possible struggles or advantages they may have.

To begin with, men tend to experience excitement and arousal quite easily and quickly. However, women take longer to be aroused and they have needs that must be met in order for that to happen. There is a fun cycle that men and women experience when it comes to arousal. A woman needs to feel safe, warm, and close to her husband in order for her to be able to relax and feel sexual toward him. Whereas, a man begins with feeling sexually aroused, then once that need is met, he will feel safe, warm, and close to his wife. This can be problematic if the couple does not communicate with each other. Women will mistake men’s behavior for only wanting them for their bodies and to have sex since they start on the other side of the cycle, while men will feel like their wives do not love them because they are not always ready or want to have sex. An advantage of this difference is that they complement each other. Men and women are able to work together to meet each other’s needs (if they are aware of them). 

Men will also reach a plateau state where their arousal will die off for a time. It is easy for them to orgasm and become aroused again, however, they will reach a point where they need to tap out. Women on the other hand experience longer plateau states because it takes them longer to orgasm. However, they may orgasm several times and will not reach a point where they need to stop. This can cause frustration if the couple’s feelings of arousal keep missing each other. They will be able to better understand how each other work as they intentionally pay attention to how each other feels during times of intimacy. Those intentional thoughts and efforts are benefits from this difference.

Lastly, men and women experience different chemical reactions in their brains. This is the part that I found so cool. Men experience dopamine, which is an adrenaline (fireworks) feeling, and serotonin, which is a feeling of satisfaction, well-being, happiness, and contentment. While women experience oxytocin, which stimulates feelings of bonding. Men do not produce significant enough levels of oxytocin to make a difference, but women produce oxytocin in intercourse along with childbirth and breastfeeding. These chemical reactions and experiences are very different from one another. While a man is experiencing feelings of adrenaline then satisfaction, women are developing stronger and closer bonds with their partner. Couples need to understand that not only physically are they different but the chemicals their brain produces are also very different. They need to use those different feelings to build off of each other. Men can share some of those adrenaline-like feelings with their wives and help them feel content afterward as well. Women can help men feel closer to them and use sexual intimacy to strengthen their relationships. This could be hard if the husband or wife thinks the other should be responding and feeling the same as them when they legitimately cannot because of their chemical differences.

All of these differences boil down to understanding your spouse and communicating with each other. If couples would explain to each other how they are feeling and why while the other intently listens, most of the conflicts that could come from these differences would be resolved. I think men and women were given these differences so ultimately they could become closer together through communication, cooperation, patience, and understanding attitudes.