week six :)

There are several things that may not seem like a big deal when it comes to engagements and marriage but can actually have significant impacts on the relationship. It was interesting to learn more about them because there were some that I definitely did not think would be a big deal yet was somewhat surprised to hear that they are. Obviously, every relationship is different and there are always exceptions, but here are a few things that I learned more about this week.

How you propose/are proposed to is one of the things that actually does matter. We had a discussion about the many ways we have seen proposals executed, and every one is different. However, it is one of the things that can influence a relationship in the long term. Most women will say things along the lines of they do not care how their significant other proposes, or what the ring looks like, or other details like those, but they almost always do even if they are not completely aware of it. The person getting proposed to wants to know that their significant other put time and effort into the proposal. It does not have to be the most extravagant proposal that costs an arm and a leg, but there needs to be obvious effort put forth. One of the main reasons why the one proposing needs to put effort into the proposal is because it shows that they care. Effort is the action part of love, and for obvious reasons, when you are getting proposed to, you want to feel loved. 

The age at which you get married is another variable that can affect the marriage. Marrying at a young age might be better for marriages than waiting until you are over 25 years old. I think this may connect to one of the reasons why blending families can be so hard. The older you get, the more life you have lived, which means the more experiences, thoughts, and opinions you may have on things. Sure, you have had the opportunity to experience a lot of growth on your own, but when you get married, you have to learn how to experience growth alongside another person. The older you are, the harder it may be to grow and work hand in hand with another person because you got used to doing it on your own. You will probably be a little more set in your ways and stubborn about the way you have done things on your own for a long time. One may struggle with morphing two separate sets of habits, thought processes, opinions, etc together if they are a little more established with time/age. On the flip side, if you are younger when you get married, you did not have as much personal growth on your own. A couple will be able to experience much of that growth together and develop those habits, traits, lifestyles, etc as a team. They work together to create a lifestyle together instead of trying to merge two completely separate lifestyles. 

Lastly, there are many unexpected adjustments that occur after marriage, and how couples deal with them can have an impact on their marriage. Some of these adjustments will be different for every couple and they may not all be unexpected, but they are still adjustments that will need to be made within the first months and even the first year or two of marriage. We talked about several adjustments that some of the married people in the class experienced that they did not expect. There were a lot of adjustments that come from living with another person, like sleeping in the same room/bed as another person every night, having their things in your house, and differing levels of organization or cleanliness to name a few. Other adjustments dealt with communication. Being able to recognize your spouse’s needs and knowing how to meet them, communicating feelings, resolving conflicts in a respectful and peaceful manner, etc were all adjustments brought up. Also, there are adjustments made when you join another family because you have to get to know and deal with lots more people than just your own family, and every family does things differently. Those are just a handful of the unexpected adjustment that one may encounter within the first couple of years of marriage, but as you and your spouse work together to get through them, you will both learn lots about yourselves, each other, and your relationship.