week ten :)

An article I found about fatherhood is called “Six Obstacles to Father Involvement—and How to Overcome Them” by Jeffrey Cookston. In this post, I will share those obstacles and solutions along with why I think they’re important to know.

#1: Lack of realistic role models and expectations

    There are not enough examples of good dads portrayed in the media, and the ‘good’ dads that are portrayed are not very realistic. New dads have expectations for themselves as fathers that are not healthy or feasible to maintain. A way to overcome this struggle would be to look for role models to look up to in their personal lives. I think this is important to address because it is helpful to have father figures to look up to and model, but if they are not realistic, fathers can get discouraged when they do not meet the expectations they have set for themselves.

#2: Lack of paid leave and flextime

    Lots of fathers are promised up to 12 weeks of job-protected paternity leave, however, it is often unpaid which most families cannot afford. Fathers also often receive pushback from the company when they work for when they ask for paternity leave. A way to solve this issue would be to figure out a schedule that works best for your individual family around the father’s work schedule, so he is able to spend time with the children. It is good for fathers to intentionally spend time with their children to build and maintain relationships with them.

#3: Economics change how fathers see themselves

    Fathers see themselves differently depending on their economic circumstances. Fathers can solve this problem by appreciating what they are doing/are able to do, instead of focusing on what they aren’t doing/can’t do. Every father can be involved in his family in his own way, and it will vary from family to family. I love the idea of helping fathers feel involved and appreciated because this will encourage them to continue to put forth that effort for their families.

#4: Lack of community and support

    Mothers get so much support, but sometimes the fathers are forgotten in the focus on the mothers. Fathers can reach out to other fathers for support and advice to improve their own skills and abilities as a father through the ideas of others. I think everyone needs a support group or people they know they can turn to, and fathers are no exception to that.

#5: Lack of custody after divorce

    Fathers are far less likely to get the same amount of time with the children as the mother does in a divorce, and because of that, father-and-child relationships are most negatively influenced by the divorce. Calm, written communication can make all the difference and the families' lives easier after work. It is crucial that fathers are still involved in their children’s lives as much as they can even in divorce situations. 

#6: The armor and habits of manhood

    Men tend to put themselves in a box and don’t allow themselves to change or be who they want to be. Instead, fathers need to realize that they can be the dad that they want to be no matter what the social norms may be. They are not limited to assumptions and expectations placed on them by others. I think this is important because no one should be forced to be someone they’re not or be uncomfortable with who they are. Spouses should talk to each other to figure out how they are going to meet all the roles in their family how it works best for them.

Cookston, J. (2012, June 12). Six obstacles to father involvement-and how to overcome them. Greater Good Magazine. Retrieved March 28, 2023, from https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/six_obstacles_to_father_involvementand_how_to_overcome_them

    My Dad was the traditional nuclear family father. He was the breadwinner while my mom stayed at home with us kids. We were always super excited for Dad to come home from work and play with us. He would tickle us until we were laughing so hard we couldn’t breathe, but it was our favorite thing. He was the volunteer coach for many of our soccer teams growing up, and I loved that! He was the one to take us on bike rides and teach us how to fix things. He enforced family yard work time, and we begrudgingly participated. My Dad was my TV-watching buddy, and we watched many cop shows together. He loved to take us camping and taught us to be smart with our money. Dad loves my cookies which really got me into baking. “I love you” sounds like “Be good, drive safe, and text me when you get there.” coming from him. Oh, how I love my Dad.